The trauma bond
Unpredictable cruelty followed by sudden warmth creates one of the strongest attachments the human brain can form. Missing them isn't proof it was love. It's proof the bond was engineered.
Narcissistic Abuse Recovery
You are not too sensitive. You were and you can come back into focus.
One-to-one coaching for people rebuilding after a narcissistic partner, parent or family member. We name what actually happened, loosen the bond that keeps pulling you back, and return you to a self you recognise.
- 1992
- the year my own recovery began
- 1:1
- never group, never a programme
- 20min
- free intro call, no pressure
Does this sound like your life?
The damage doesn't show as bruises.
It shows as self-doubt.
Narcissistic abuse rarely announces itself. It arrives as confusion, quietly eroding your certainty about what is real.
- 01
You replay conversations for hours, hunting for the moment it became your fault.
- 02
You apologise for things you didn't do, just to make the tension stop.
- 03
You were called dramatic, jealous, crazy, too much. Eventually you believed it.
- 04
You no longer trust your own memory of what was said.
- 05
You still miss them. And you hate yourself for missing them.
- 06
You got out, but the anxiety, the flinching and the self-blame came with you.
- 07
You read everyone else's needs instantly, and can't name one of your own.
- 08
You've done therapy, books, twelve-step, and something still feels unfinished.
None of that is weakness or over-reaction. Those are the fingerprints of narcissistic abuse, and they respond to the right work.
Why you can't just "get over it"
You're not failing at healing.
You're up against biology.
Four forces keep survivors stuck, and not one of them is a character flaw. Each responds to a different kind of work.
See how we work on themCognitive dissonance
You hold two incompatible truths: "they hurt me" and "they're the only one who understands me." Your mind resolves the conflict the cheapest way it can: by blaming you.
A nervous system stuck on
Years of scanning for the next mood shift leaves your body braced long after the danger has gone. Insight alone won't switch that off. The body has to be taught safety again.
Shame that was never yours
Their contempt was installed as your inner voice. Until that voice is separated out and named, every attempt at a boundary feels like cruelty on your part.
The approach
Healing from the inside out
Not traditional talk therapy, and not advice-giving. Structured, practical recovery work, done together and at your pace.
Understanding narcissistic abuse
Language for what happened, so the confusion finally has a shape you can work with.
Breaking the trauma bond
Loosening the pull, whether you've left, are planning to, or are still in it.
Nervous system regulation
Teaching a braced body that the threat has passed, so calm stops feeling unfamiliar.
Shame healing & belief rewiring
Separating their voice from yours, and dismantling the beliefs it left behind.
Inner-child healing
Reaching the earlier wound that made the dynamic feel familiar in the first place.
Boundaries without guilt
Saying no, going low-contact or grey-rock, without collapsing into self-blame.
What's possible for you
Imagine living free,
peaceful and empowered
Constant people-pleasingHealthy, confident boundaries
Fear of abandonmentInner peace and self-trust
Drawn to toxic partnersHealthy, reciprocal relationships
Living in shame & self-blameCompassion & self-respect
Panic, anxiety, emotional chaosClarity and groundedness
Feeling "not enough"Knowing your worth
Since1992
About Alejandra
My healing journey became
my life's work
It began in 1992, after a three-year relationship with a malignant narcissist. The emotional devastation cracked me open and pushed me into a lifetime of self-discovery, inner work and spiritual healing.
For decades I immersed myself in the work, not just the theory:
- Twelve-step recovery programmes
- Trauma and codependency education
- Coaching methodologies and mentorship
- Assisting in countless therapy sessions
- Studying narcissistic abuse and relational trauma
- Spiritual practice and mind-body integration
Today I'm a certified life coach and author, working one-to-one with people recovering from narcissistic abuse, codependency and childhood trauma.
My mission is simple: to help you transcend your wounds, reclaim your voice, and come home to yourself.
How it works
Three steps, starting with
a conversation
-
1
Book a free discovery call
Twenty minutes. We talk about what you've been through, what you want, and whether I'm the right person to support it. No script, no pressure.
-
2
Receive a personalised plan
A clear roadmap built around your story: your inner-child wounds, attachment patterns and the specific dynamic you're recovering from.
-
3
Begin your transformation
We meet weekly or fortnightly. Tools, mindset shifts, steady support and deep healing work, between sessions as well as in them.
Book the free 20-minute call
I do not accept insurance. The introductory call is complimentary.
Client stories
People who felt exactly
where you are
Every one of them arrived certain they were the problem. Names shortened at their request.
Working with Alejandra changed my life. For the first time, I understand myself and why I chose toxic partners. I finally feel free.
I have struggled my whole life with feeling alone, unloved and fearful. I have gone to many counselors and therapists in my 53 years, yet I still struggled to have peace. It wasn't until I worked with Alejandra that I got free from the dysfunctional childhood lies implanted in me by my family. She gives tools that cut straight to the root. She has walked the walk.
I didn't know healing could feel this safe. Alejandra's compassion helped me find my voice again.
I came from a place of deep trauma, anxiety and depression. I grew up in a very broken home with alcoholic and narcissistic parents, repeating patterns from my childhood programming. Alejandra helped me work through it, helped me recognise that I am enough, and completely changed my perspective on the world.
I was very codependent with my family. Although I'm a 30-year-old woman, I felt and was treated like a 10-year-old girl. I had a very difficult time setting boundaries. The peace I feel today is something I never imagined I could have. I don't have to carry the shame and guilt I once felt.
Before you book
Questions people
ask first
Still unsure? The intro call exists exactly for this. Bring the question there.
Ask on a free callDo I have to leave my narcissistic partner before starting?
Not at all. Many clients start while still in the relationship. We focus on clarity, boundaries and inner strength. Decisions come later, and they come from you.
Is coaching the same as therapy?
No. Coaching focuses on growth, new patterns and forward movement. Therapy often focuses on processing the past. Both are valuable. Coaching accelerates practical transformation. This is coaching, not mental health treatment.
What if I've already done twelve-step or therapy?
Many of my clients have, and they come to me because something still feels unresolved. My approach fills in the emotional and spiritual pieces those routes often leave open.
What if I'm not certain it was "real" abuse?
That doubt is one of the most common after-effects there is. You don't need a diagnosis, proof or a label to start. You only need to know that something isn't right.
How long before I notice a change?
Clients often feel shifts within the first few sessions, usually in self-blame and clarity first, then in how the body responds to conflict.
Do you take insurance?
I don't accept insurance. The initial 20-minute discovery call is complimentary, and we'll discuss the details of working together on that call.
One last thing
You deserve to feel
free, loved and whole
Healing is not only possible. It's waiting for you. You are worthy of peace. You are worthy of healthy love. You are worthy of coming home to yourself.
I would be honoured to walk beside you.